In the summer of 2015 I was reading the Bible out loud to my husband one night, as I did every night before we went to bed. I had started with the Gospels and was reading from Mark that evening. I read aloud from Mark 10:11-12 ” He answered, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.'” or I tried to read these out loud anyway. As I started reading them, I actually stumbled over them, audibly, verbally stumbled. I read a word or two then stopped, another word or two then stopped. My husband looked over at me like, “What?” It hit me like a ton of bricks, like I’d never seen that before and I had read my Bible through many, many times. “What could that mean? Why does that not mean what it says right there in black and white?” I thought. I finished the chapter and went to bed wondering about what I read and how I felt when I read it. That was the first in a long series of events that changed my life completely.
I got married the first time when I was 21, first time marriages for both of us. We were married for almost twenty years and had two children together. I believed I was saved during this time, but now I look back and I wonder. Because of my unstable faith, I drifted away from God and made a terrible mess of my life. I decided I wanted out of that marriage and divorced my husband. I knew I wasn’t supposed to get divorced in the first place but I also knew that God would forgive me for that sin and I believed I was free to remarry. I had been going to church since I was 12 years old. I was now 40 and I had never once heard anyone preach about remarriage being adultery in the Word of God. And even though I read my Bible and thought I knew it pretty well, I had never ‘seen’ those verses before. I mean I read them, but didn’t truly see them. I had absolutely no idea I was not supposed to marry another person if I got divorced. So when I met someone and decided to get married to him, I believed God had sent me a wonderful man to make me happy and that God would bless the marriage.
So here I was, ten years later, reading the Bible out loud to my husband and for the first time, I ‘saw’ that verse and stumbled over it badly. I was sorely convicted and very confused. I asked myself, “So why doesn’t that verse apply any longer? Not that I want it to, but why isn’t that still the truth?” I wondered about it from time to time but eventually stopped thinking about it. I think I didn’t want to look too closely for fear of what I’d see. Even though we’d had our ups and downs, I did not want to end another marriage. I didn’t want to leave this man. Now that I look back I don’t know how I was able to choose to shrug this off and ignore it.
A few months later in November 2015, a dear friend of mine and I were talking about marriage in general and how difficult it can be. She then asked me, “Weren’t one or both of you married before?” I told her that we both had been married before. She then sweetly blew my world apart by reminding me what the Bible says about getting married to another person while your first spouse still lived. And she told me very nicely that I was committing adultery. I said, “Whoa. What? ME? How do you figure that?” which began a discussion that lasted a few months, which led to many tears and struggles and questions and seeking and asking and praying and more crying and more struggling and trying to evade and avoid this truth. This friend sent the book, “Till Death Do Us Part?” to me and asked me to read it which I did and it confirmed to me that it was the truth – that I was indeed living in adultery in this second marriage of mine and I had to do something about it. I was devastated. I loved this man. We had built a life together over the last ten years. Where was I going to go? What was I going to do for Pete’s sake? So, I did what I always do, I started writing. I started a blog that tells the whole entire story, the complete struggle and how I came to believe that this was the truth. I have come a long way baby in the last year.
Exactly a year after my friend told me I was committing adultery being married to this man (November 2016), I left my husband, my life, my precious dogs, my beautiful home and all my worldly possessions because I believed I was living in adultery and had to repent of my sin, stop sinning and obey God no matter the cost. It was horribly difficult and terribly painful. All my friends thought I was crazy. In fact I lost friends over what I now believed. There was very little support; for months and months I stood alone. I was called Satanic, legalistic, nuts, mentally ill, all sorts of things. It was lonely. It was one of the most difficult years I have ever had. I now live with my Mom 2000 miles away from my old life. I have no money, no car, no job, no dogs (whimper) and absolutely no plans yet. I have been grieving deeply over the loss of my family and my old life. My heart is broken.
But you know what? I don’t regret a thing. This is the truth. I tried very, very hard to get around it, ignore it, forget about it or prove it wrong – VERY hard. And I couldn’t. I came to believe this was the truth and I could not live in sin apart from God so I left all to follow Him. I’m in pain but I’m also at peace. I did the right thing. And my life will prove it.
(If you’re interested in reading the whole gory story, the blog address is – isremarriageadultery.blogspot.com )